One Month With Calvin

What a month it has been! I don't think I've ever had a bigger wake-up call in my life. Motherhood is so fun and so wonderful - but also quite challenging. It's an enormous adjustment. One day, you're only focused on yourself and your own insignificant life; the next, your whole world is consumed by a (very vocal) 8-lb human being. Allow me to elaborate on each aspect of this handsome man's life.

Eating
Calvin is a great eater today, but he wasn't always this good. He had a rough beginning because of my C-section. We had his feedings supplemented with formula in the hospital during my recovery. He got used to the bottle very quickly and did NOT want to breastfeed. After a couple of weeks of relentless effort on my part (often enduring long crying spells on his part), we got him latched and good to go. The bonus after all this is that he will take either breast or bottle like a champ.

Awake Time
Calvin is pretty much only awake for a diaper change, a quick burp, and a few minutes of holding. I've discovered that he needs to go to bed within an hour of being awake (including feeding times) or else he gets overtired and is super hard to put down for sleep. I always look out for the first signs of drowsiness and then put him right down. I'm sad I only get a few minutes to play with him before nap time, but I know that will change as time goes on. It's fun to see him alert and looking around more and more as he grows. As of a few days ago, he makes full eye contact with me and his gaze follows me as I move around our apartment. He knows his mom! He also loves it when Dad comes home to play with him. He may not be super expressive yet (I have yet to catch a smile on camera, though he does smile), but I can tell he loves daddy time.

Sleeping

What a challenge this has been! Calvin is the type of baby that needs routine and structure, so I have been diligent about keeping our days pretty predictable. He knows when his day gets thrown off and is never happy about it! Getting him to learn to sleep in his crib has been very hard. Sometimes he'd be great, other times he'd just not be having it. I tried everything. Standing over him with my hand on his chest shushing him for hours on end, playing white noise, using a pacifier, letting him cry it out for a few minutes... nothing seemed to work long-term. Then one day I began to suspect that Calvin had mild reflux - he spits up a little after each meal, he gets hiccups frequently, he is pretty gassy and can be fussy after mealtimes, and he hates lying flat on his back. A good friend had suggested the Fisher Price Snuggabunny Newborn Sleeper, but I wanted to continue to train him to sleep in his crib. One desperate night, however, after hours of my baby not sleeping at all, I ran to Babies R Us and purchased the sleeper. Calvin LOVES it! Not only does he go down for every nap within minutes, but he stays asleep for his whole nap and even sleeps up to 5 hours at night. I would highly recommend this to anyone with a baby who is a fussy sleeper. It's been amazing! The best part is I keep it right by my side of the bed and can just reach over and gently rock him if he gets fussy in the middle of the night (assuming he's not hungry). No going back and forth from the bed to the crib for me anymore!

As far as our routine goes, I've been trying to follow what was suggested in "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer". I make sure we follow a pattern of eat, activity, and sleep in 2 to 3 hour chunks. I also make sure we always start our day at 7 am and that Calvin always goes to bed between 8 and 9 pm. We have a bedtime ritual of a bath and a quick massage, and it seems to help signal to him that it's bedtime. He's not hating his baths as much anymore, so I feel more comfortable making them a nightly occurrence.

The last few days have been Calvin's best. He's doing SO much better. There were a few days (and weeks) where I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted. When he wouldn't breastfeed or sleep, I felt like a failure as a mom and thought for sure that this little boy deserved someone so much better. But recently, he seems to have become a bit more mild and has really settled well into our routine. I'm so grateful things are looking up. However, I also need to accept that just as I seem to be getting a handle on things, they will likely change again. :)

Here are some cute pictures of our little man. Our good friends Nelson and Amy loaned us their expensive camera so we could take high-quality pictures. It's been so much fun! I sure love this kid. What a cutie.

Here he is at about 2.5 weeks.

And here he is at about 3 weeks. He loves mommy time! Don't you just want to pinch those cheeks??

Here's bathtime. Look how adorable that face is!! He seems quite happy to get into the water at first...

...but then when we wash his face and hair, he isn't having it.

I still think he looks cute when he cries. :) Luckily, he cheers right up again once he's in his fun towel (thanks Aunt Jamie!!).

And I just couldn't help myself... I had to play dress-up. :) My little bear cub!

Being a mom is hard, but it's also the best, most fulfilling thing I have ever done. I can't believe I've been entrusted to nurture and care for this precious little spirit. I only hope I adequately live up to the challenge. :)

Calvin's Birth Story

I've been trying to find time to write this post all week and have discovered that a newborn makes it very hard to find time for much at all. :) Well, that's not true. A newborn does give you some time during the day, but with that time, you will most likely choose sleep over anything else.

Let me begin by saying that Calvin's birth went the exact opposite of what I had envisioned for myself. In my mind, I had been preparing for labor to go along with what is statistically most likely (especially considering my genes and what had happened to others in my family). I planned for contractions to begin mildly and far apart, and then gradually get closer together until they became the standard 5-1-1 (five minutes apart, one minute long, for an hour). Then I would continue to labor for as long as possible at home until I felt quite certain I was in active labor, at which point TJ and I would go to the hospital. Once there, they would declare me in active labor and at least 5 or 6 cm dilated, I would be admitted, and continue to use the techniques I had practiced in my natural birth classes and at home to cope with contractions. TJ would be my coach and we'd power through together until it was time to push. My water would break in transition, I'd push the baby out in 1-2 hours, and he'd be wrapped in my arms and all would be said and done within at least 24 hours. Now let's get to what actually did happen.

At 12:15am on September 21st, I had just entered my fifth day past my due date. TJ had been in bed for about 15 minutes and I was settling into my nightly insomniac routine of watching YouTube videos featuring Conan O'Brien. Lo and behold, I felt an enormous gush as I sat at the computer and jumped up to run to the bathroom. It's a good thing that I was wearing exercise pants that are designed to absorb water well, because I didn't get amniotic fluid all over the carpet. Once in the bathroom, I wrapped myself in a towel and shouted to TJ through the door, "Teeje! My water broke! TEEJE!" He was still half asleep and completely confused at what was going on. He lifted his head off the pillow and started mumbling, "Huh? What.... what?? HUH?! What do we do?!" I felt bad for startling him like that, but I was in shock myself! At every appointment for the last month, my doctor had declared me 1 cm and 50% effaced and had told me at my most recent appointment to definitely not anticipate my water breaking before contractions began. Well, that's exactly what happened. My water had broken before real contractions had even started, and I was immediately realizing that a huge wrench had gotten thrown into my plan. My doctor had previously told me that she would like me to come to the hospital as soon as my water broke because, at that point, they want to monitor you for any chance of infection and fetal distress. I called labor and delivery, told them what had happened, and they said I could get cleaned up and then head on over to the hospital. I took a shower while TJ ran around like a madman getting everything packed and ready to go. Before we knew it, we were in the car and headed to the hospital. It was so surreal!

Once we got checked in and I had changed into my hospital gown, the nurses checked me to see where I was at. Still 1 cm, 50% effaced. Awesome, I thought, It's going to be a very long day. Luckily, my doctor was the one on call, so she was great about checking on me and being an advocate for me and my natural birth.  She let me labor naturally until 5:00 am to see if contractions would begin on their own. So, three hours later, they checked me again. I still hadn't really experienced contractions, so I wasn't surprised when they told me I was still the same. I was trying to not get discouraged. They decided that they needed to help contractions along, so they gave me Cervadil, a small pill you let dissolve in your cheek that is supposed to help the cervix soften in preparation for labor. It's a precursor to Pitocin - something I had wanted to avoid at all costs because I knew it made contractions longer and stronger than what they would be normally. They were going to let the Cervadil do its thing for another 3 hours and then would check me again. In the meantime, however, the nurses were noticing that my contractions were having a small effect on the baby's heart rate. Nothing to be too concerned about, but it meant I needed to be confined to the same position on the bed and continuously wear monitors. Not only that, but once the Cervadil was administered, I needed to be on IV fluids and oxygen as well. So I am having to deal with contractions in one position, with oxygen on my face, a blood pressure cuff, IV fluids, and two fetal monitors on my belly. Again, I'm trying to stay positive, but it's getting very challenging at this point. I can't move around like I had planned - how am I going to handle contractions when they get more intense?? Even worse is what I felt happening in my head. I have a history of getting migraines, and a couple of my triggers are no sleep and no food. Sure enough, both triggers had happened that night (you're not allowed to eat in the hospital). I could feel the beginnings of a migraine. The absolute last thing I needed on top of labor pain was an additional pain that made it challenging to relax at all between contractions. My composure was quickly crumbling all around me. Nothing, not one thing was going according to plan.

As my migraine got worse, so did contractions. The Cervadil was working. It wasn't necessarily making contractions worse, it was just kick-starting my body into labor. I didn't find it too hard to breathe through them, and they were only 30-45 seconds long and 5 minutes apart. Not too bad. Still, I'm sure they would have been more manageable had I been able to walk or sit up or use a birthing ball or something. I hated that I had to be in bed on my right side only. If I moved, a nurse would come in and tell me to move back.

The Cervadil got things going, at least. I was checked at 8:00 am and had finally progressed to 2 cm and 70% effaced. My doctor said she felt comfortable continuing to let me labor on my own to see if I kept moving along. I got a brief reprieve from the oxygen mask and TJ and I felt a small glimmer of hope that maybe my whole plan wasn't going to go awry. Until...

They noticed that as contractions got stronger, my baby's heart rate would drop a bit more. They liked to have his heart rate between 125 and 145 beats per minute, and his was dropping to 110 or 100 beats per minute during contractions. They put the oxygen back on me and kept trying interventions to see if we could stabilize his little heart better. They inserted a catheter into my uterus to supplement the amniotic fluid supply, in the hopes that if my baby was pressing against the umbilical cord, the fluid would help cushion him. It was really very unpleasant to have that thing in me. It felt like I was constantly wetting myself, only with icy cold water. Not only that, but I had only progressed an additional half centimeter in the last 3 hours of contractions. And my migraine was full-blown at this point. I was getting quite discouraged, I have to admit. I knew it was time for the dreaded Pitocin, and I was already beginning to struggle during contractions.

Sure enough, around noon, my doctor came back in and broke the news that this baby needed to come out sooner than later, and if we wanted to do it vaginally, it would have to be with Pitocin. I consented and was given Pitocin in my IV. And for the record, yes, it absolutely makes contractions worse. Along with my migraine, the IV fluids, the uterine catheter, blood pressure cuff, oxygen, fetal heart monitor, contraction monitor, and being confined to only one position on the bed, the long, powerful contractions that were coming every 3 minutes were quite unbearable. I should add that TJ was still being an absolutely wonderful support through all of this, even though all he could really do was rub my back and say I was doing great. He hated seeing me in so much pain and with so much medical gear hooked to my body. Poor guy - I could tell it was tearing him up. I really do think husbands go through their own form of torture seeing their spouses handle the pains of labor. When TJ would gently ask how I was doing, I could only whimper and moan. I thought to myself, this is what the cruciatus curse feels like (Harry Potter reference for my fellow nerds out there).  This continued for about 3 hours, and I had contracted to 3.5 cm.

Meanwhile, the nurses and doctor would come in periodically to check on me and my baby's heart rate. No matter what they did or what interventions they tried, this little guy's heart was just not responding well to labor. During the hard Pitocin contractions, the baby's heart rate would drop all the way to 60, and there was no reason to believe it wouldn't just continue to get more distressed as labor progressed. A kind nurse came in and told me to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for a C-section. I immediately burst into tears, and the news hit TJ just as hard. This was the absolute last thing that we wanted. This was the whole reason I wanted to go unmedicated in the first place - to avoid a C-section. Unfortunately, around 2:30 pm, my doctor came in and gently told me that this baby needed to come out now if we wanted to make sure he was healthy. I was still crying at this point (and pretty much didn't stop until his delivery) and asked if there was anything I could have done differently to have this not happen. She said there was nothing at all I did wrong and reassured me that sometimes these things happen - but our ultimate goal was a healthy baby and a healthy mom. They explained to us both all the risks and complications that can come from a C-section and asked us if we had a living will (we didn't... but were freaked out at the question just the same). Before I knew it, they were wheeling me to the OR after giving me a shot to stop contractions entirely. They left TJ behind, told him to scrub up, and they'd come get him in about 5 minutes.

As I'm entering the OR, the nice anesthesiologist administered the spinal block and told me to make sure I told him if I "was feeling crappy". I asked him to be more specific, please :). He told me if I started feeling nauseous, dizzy, or light-headed to tell him right away. Sure enough, as soon as he administered the spinal block, I felt really nauseated and ready to pass out. All I could mumble was, "I'm gonna throw up," and he and the nurses jumped into action. I guess my heart rate had dropped quite low and my blood pressure declined to alarming levels, so they pumped me full of who knows what fluids to get my blood pressure back up and running. In about 10 minutes, the nausea and dizziness subsided. Before that, though, I was thinking, what if this is it? I'll never meet my baby! I know, I know... it all seems so dramatic now that I'm fine and the baby is fine, but still - after all those hours of pain and uncertainty and nothing going right, to me, death wasn't out of the question. Hey, I was a crazy, pregnant, hormonal lady - cut me some slack! I found out later that TJ was worried about the same thing. He was left waiting for 45 minutes as opposed to the 5 they had promised. At that point, he had convinced himself I was dead and they were waiting to break the news to him. Poor TJ! If I was in that position, I would have been going absolutely crazy. Sure enough, though, after all that time, they got him and sent him into the OR to hold my hand during the operation.

I really, really needed that hand to hold on to! It was scary to know that someone was cutting into you while you were awake, even though you couldn't really feel it. The doctor was literally slicing this baby out of me. They told TJ he better be looking, because he wouldn't want to miss it, and at first he shook his head and said he'd rather not. The anesthesiologist literally grabbed his arm and yanked him up over the curtain that separated my head from the rest of my body so TJ could see them pull our baby out. TJ told me later that he could see my intestines! Gross. And he still likes me? Who'd have thought? :) Our baby came out at 3:55 pm with his eyes wide open. He cried shortly after and when they showed him to me, all the pain, fear, and sadness of the day was replaced by a joy more pure than anything I had ever felt. This was my baby! I knew him, and he knew me! TJ got to watch as they cleaned him off, weighed him, and got all his vitals. I just cried quietly behind that curtain and thanked God that he was healthy and safe. TJ brought him over after a few minutes and we just stared at him and gushed over how cute he was. Our special little man! All I had the strength to do was reach my shaking hand over to his cheek and brush it with my finger. I couldn't get over how soft and perfect his skin was! Instant love. It was so amazing. Calvin Jace Nicholes was 7 lbs even and 20 inches long.

Once my doctor delivered the placenta, she exclaimed that she finally understood what his problems were during labor. It turns out I had a rare condition called Velamentous Cord Insertion. Normally, the umbilical cord implants right in the center of the placenta. For me, it implanted on the side, wedged between the placenta and the uterine wall. Every time I contracted, it pinched the umbilical cord and slowed the flow of oxygen to the baby, resulting in his heart rate declining. That's why no matter what interventions they tried, nothing improved. My doctor later explained to me that had I labored much longer or even to delivery, this baby would have been severely compromised and possibly stillborn. This was incredibly humbling for me and TJ. It turns out if God had allowed things to go according to my plan, I probably wouldn't have my baby. Rather, He took things a different direction by allowing my water to break before contractions started, which statistically only happens in less than 10% of pregnancies. Had they not, I would have labored at home as long as possible and contracted far more than I should have. Instead, my water breaking got us right to the hospital where the monitors could track what was happening and prevent serious complications later. Lesson learned - God's plan is always better than our own. I need to remember that in the future and put more faith in Him.

After Calvin was born, we stayed in the hospital for 5 days so I could adequately recover. Some people hate the hospital, but I loved it! We were waited on hand and foot by the most amazing nurses ever, my doctor and our wonderful pediatrician made frequent visits to make sure we were doing alright emotionally as well as physically, and all my meals were brought right to me in bed (and they even provided TJ with food). Thank goodness we have great insurance to cover what is going to be an enormous bill. We also have supplemental insurance that gives us $500 for each day I'm in the hospital. Total bonus! :) I must say, after the emotional day I had in the hospital when Calvin was born (and months of not being able to sleep at the end of my pregnancy), I had the most magical night's sleep of my life. Being numb has its perks. :)

Our first week with Calvin has been both wonderful and challenging. It is a lot of work to take care of a newborn! This little guy is just adorable but he loves to wake us up a lot at night. I think he just loves to be cuddled and has a hard time sleeping alone in his crib. He also loves his boppy pillow and being swaddled. We are learning as we go but enjoying every minute of it. And who wouldn't enjoy this face?

And, alright - here are two final bump pictures for you. 

41 weeks and 42 weeks, respectively. :) 

Thank you to everyone who has been so kind and cared so much about our little one! Your prayers, meals, and visits have meant the world to me. Motherhood is tough, people. That's no lie! But the rewards make it so very worth it. Hooray for my baby's birthday! And hooray for the end of pregnancy! For now, at least. :)

Yep... still pregnant (update)

Hi, friends. I wish this post was all about how I had a perfect labor and the baby has already arrived just as I imagined. Instead, I am here to report that I am still pregnant. Not only that, but my doctor feels that I will likely be pregnant for at least another week because I'm just not progressing very well. Apparently, I have the gestation period of an elephant (this one's for you, Erin :)). Is TJ part elephant or what? Maybe his family isn't telling me something... I was always suspicious about that alleged "Great-grandpa Horton".

If you want to make a grown woman cry in public, tell her this information when she is already past her due date and I promise you, the tears will flow. I was a little embarrassed to cry in the doctor's office, but just couldn't help myself. I don't mean to be a downer, and I know I should just stay positive and be happy that this little guy is healthy and will come eventually, but I guess my hormones just got to me. I fully believed I'd have had this baby by now, or at the very least have been showing SOME progress! Oh, well. I'm in a much better mental state than I was a few hours ago. The thing is, I tend to be a planner. I had planned and studied out exactly how I envisioned this whole birth thing to go down. Unfortunately, it's looking like the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen is coming to pass. My doctor and I have already scheduled an induction date for Sunday evening if my appointment with her on Friday again shows that I'm not making any progress. I had been dreading an induction my whole pregnancy because I knew it increased my chances of needing an epidural - which in turn increases my chances of needing a c-section. I've been reading a LOT of conference talks on patience lately, needless to say! I just need to understand that this is God's will. He is way smarter than me and is a much better planner. :) Maybe this is a good lesson for me - you can't plan everything and sometimes you need to just go with the flow. 

We are just so excited for this little man to join our family! It's easy to get impatient. TJ gave the baby a good talking to last night, explaining that change is inevitable and that, while cozy, he'd need to enter the world at some point! TJ suggested to me that maybe the reason the baby hasn't come yet is because our little son already peeked his head out, saw who his dad was, and then hurried back inside. :) 

Well, regardless, this baby will come at some point! We are really blessed to have such great doctors and nurses helping us along the way. At the very least, he will come soon and he will be healthy. That is the most important thing. I need to be better at counting my blessings when I get discouraged, because then I think about how lucky we've been so far and how well things have gone for us. Other women would kill to be in my position. Think positively, Ashley!

In the meantime, I've done the following to help self-induce:

1. Super spicy tacos from Taco Bell (although I think they only gave me super spicy indigestion.)

2. Evening primrose oil tablets (twice the recommended amount... oops.)

3. Red raspberry leaf tea.

4. Exercise ball bouncing.

5. Walking (they should change the primary song "Pioneer children sang as they walked" to "Desperate pregnant women sang as they walked... and walked... and walked... and walked.)

6. The other day I went over our complex's speed bump like 8 times in a row. Did nothing. :( 

Here's to hoping I go into labor naturally this week! If not, at the very latest our little man will be arriving sometime around Sunday/Monday. Hooray for the light at the end of the tunnel!!

Desperation

I finally understand how most moms feel during the last month of pregnancy - absolute desperation to get this baby out. I love him, don't get me wrong, and I really have loved the journey of pregnancy, but these last few weeks have been the most uncomfortable by far. Here's probably the last picture I'll post of my pregnant self - 39 weeks (and then some). I feel like I look pretty cranky in this photo... I can't hide it anymore, people!

I think I would be able to handle it all - the pain, the discomfort, the cramping - if I could just sleep at night. I know, I know - when the baby comes, I'll be pretty sleep deprived as it is. However, just knowing that I could fall asleep if I wanted to makes me long for those days. Recently, when I lay down at night, no matter how tired I am, I just cannot fall asleep! My legs get really restless, my hips hurt from the weight of the baby, I can't lay on my back or find any comfortable position to sleep in, and for some reason I begin thinking of about 1,000 things I need to accomplish right away. When I do drift off, I wake up 2 or 3 hours later needing to use the restroom and then have to go through the whole cycle all over again! There have been more nights than I'd like to admit where I have gotten absolutely zero sleep whatsoever. I still exercise each day and try to limit my naps so I get extra tired at night, but even then, sleep eludes me. [Sigh.] The thing is, pre-pregnancy, I never had a single problem going to sleep at night. Especially in the early months of this pregnancy - I could nap and sleep a full night because I felt tired all the time. These days, I dread getting into bed because I anticipate the struggle it will be to drift off. Oh, well. It's all worth it in the end, right? :) 

In the meantime, I'm trying every old wive's tale to induce labor known to mankind. Raspberry leaf tea, primrose oil, walking (and walking and walking), spicy foods, eggplant, you name it. Obviously hasn't worked yet. I'm keeping my hopes up, though!  My doctor told me that we would need to induce on September 26th if I don't go into labor naturally. I wanted to cry. Just the thought of going that much longer makes me want to perform my own C-section. I know I'm not even past my due date, so I shouldn't be complaining like this, but it seems as though all my girlfriends' babies have made early arrivals, so that makes me more anxious to anticipate the same thing. Silly, I know. Maybe this little guy just wants to be fashionably late!

Alright, that's my rant for now. I promise I'm actually doing really well, all things considered! No swelling, barely noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions, no more work (woo hoo!)... I have every reason to be happy. :) I've made all kinds of delicious freezer meals, organized the baby's crib and clothing drawer, gotten the hospital bag packed, and taken notes on all the tips and tricks from my baby books. It's really been quite fun. Any day now!

PS: This made me laugh. A lot. Hooray for college football season!!

The Final Countdown

With just over 3 weeks to go until my due date, I'm getting more and more anxious for this little guy to come. I'll be full term this coming week, and technically can plan on the baby coming at any time. Statistically, though, I will likely be pregnant well through September. I guess I'm okay with that, as long as my little cutie comes to this world healthy and happy.

TJ and I had a weekend filled with yet more baby preparations. Friday night was dedicated to cleaning and organizing the kitchen, while Saturday was spent at our first of two natural birthing classes. The class went from 9am to 4pm, so it was a bit of a long day, but a very informative one. I thought he would hate it, but Teeje said he really learned a lot and is so glad he went. The woman teaching the class was awesome. She's a doula who's given birth naturally eight times. Holy moly! We were taught some great positions and techniques to help us for when I'm in labor. TJ will be such a fantastic support person. I'm really lucky to have him! He was even willing to don the dreaded pregnancy vest our teachers made the men rotate during class. Poor guy. He did say it helped him empathize with me a little better, though. :)

We rewarded ourselves that night by going on a fancy, romantic dinner date. It will probably be our last one before we are a family of 3, so we thought we'd better squeeze it in while we could! Instead of getting dessert at the restaurant (our bill was already over $100), we decided to grab some of my favorite ice cream and take a little walk together. It makes me kind of sad and nostalgic to know that our days of it "just being the two of us" are soon gone. However, I am really excited for us to be joined by our cute son. Change is tough sometimes, but totally worth it in the end. 

I realize I've taken pregnancy pictures in the same position for almost every photo, but that's for two reasons: 

1. It's the most flattering angle :)

2. I can better compare my growth along the way

Here I am at 36.5 weeks. 

Good heavens, my belly is out of control. I think the baby has "dropped", meaning his little head has burrowed into my pelvis in preparation for labor, so that means I waddle even more than usual these days. I made a mistake this week and tried taking a brisk 4 mile walk instead of my usual elliptical workout. After the walk, I felt pretty good but a little tender in my pelvis. I sat down for about an hour and when I tried getting up again was overwhelmed with how sore I was! WOW. I could barely walk. Each step felt like a punch in the you-know-where. Luckily, this feeling has mostly passed now that I've rested a little more. Note to self: no more walks until after the baby comes. Or hikes. Or jogging of any kind. Ouchie. 

Wish me luck with labor! Hopefully, my next post will be my birth story!

Just Six Weeks To Go

I can't believe I have a month and a half before this baby comes out. Where does the time go? I have had some moments recently of pure panic - whether I am ready or not, this baby is coming. Yikes. It's funny. No matter how many books you read, how many classes you attend, how many videos you watch... you just don't ever "feel" ready. I better get used to it!

Here are the latest pictures of me and my not-so-little bump. 

I have heard the last 6 weeks is when you grow the most. I guess I have that to look forward to.

I have a confession - I love reading pregnancy/baby blogs these days. Even if I barely know the person, I just can't help myself! I love reading about the experiences of others during this crazy phase of life. I recently realized I haven't really blogged much about my pregnancy or my symptoms. I decided to dedicate this post to how this pregnancy has gone for me for all you expecting moms out there who are as pregnancy-blog obsessed as I am.

1. Pregnancy nausea - I have been really lucky and haven't had a lot of nausea during my pregnancy. For about four weeks in my first trimester, I went through a period where nothing, absolutely nothing sounded good to eat. That passed, though. I haven't thrown up once - unless you count the one time I threw up during a migraine. Speaking of which...

2. Pregnancy headaches - I have always had migraines in my life. Before pregnancy, they occurred maybe once every month or two, and even then, I'd just down a couple Excedrin Migraine tablets and call it good. Since I can't take medication during pregnancy, though, that wasn't an option for me. I didn't have any headaches at all during the first trimester, which was awesome, but come the second trimester, I was getting one or two a week. And I couldn't take anything for them (except Tylenol, which my fellow migraine sufferers will understand does nothing), so I had to suffer through them. Sometimes, the migraine would last two full days and not go away after a good night's rest. Not fun at all! I decided to try to shake things up in my diet and tried cutting out any and all caffeine and artificial sweeteners. Luckily, this seemed to work. My headaches were drastically reduced. I had been drinking some caffeine with the Tylenol because my doctor recommended it, but I think I was drinking it too often and then becoming dependent on it. Once I cut it out, my headaches decreased to about once a month - a vast improvement!

3. Pregnancy cravings - I haven't really had any noticeable pregnancy cravings, to be honest. The only thing I can think of is that chips and salty snacks appealed to me a lot more than normal, and I wasn't as attracted to cakey-sweets like I had been in the past. Other than that, not a lot of cravings. Just a more intense kind of hunger than normal. This kind of hunger is the type where, once it strikes, you have to eat.  It's pretty powerful!

4. Pregnancy pains - The only real pregnancy aches I've had have been after a long, busy day or weekend - that is, up until a week or so ago. Before then, my lower abdomen or round ligament area would ache once in a while, but then would go back to normal after some rest. This past week has convinced me that the aches are here to stay. Every time I get up to walk, it hurts a little. My hips, pelvic bone, and lower abdomen are really sore and tender and I feel it with each step I take. I full-on waddle these days! It's really cute - or not. I guess that's just what happens when your body adjusts to all that extra weight up front!

5. Pregnancy kicks - The baby started really kicking a lot around weeks 20-25. These days, he moves all the time! It's a lot of fun. I can honestly say it doesn't bother me. Yes, he sometimes sits right on my bladder or nudges my ribs, and that's not too fun, but most of the time he just wiggles, moves, and tickles me from inside.

6. Pregnancy sleep - ...or lack thereof. I slept really well up until about week 30. Then I started getting some insomnia and restless legs. Not fun at all. I have noticed, though, that if I do not take a nap in the middle of the day and am sure to exercise for at least 45 min, I am able to sleep much better. Having to get up 2 or 3 times a night to go to the bathroom doesn't help things, but I figure I'll have to get up 2 or 3 (or more) times when the baby comes, so I better get used to it!

7. Pregnancy weight gain - This has been an interesting one. It's definitely not easy to see your body change so much in such a short period of time. At the same time, it's been really freeing to allow my body to grow a human being and not be too harsh on myself. For the most part, I've been eating normally, exercising daily, and trying to stay as positive as I can. I definitely have my days (or weeks) where I just don't have the energy for things to go according to plan, but I feel that I've been relatively forgiving of myself afterwards. Pregnancy is kind of liberating that way. You can just step back and let your body dictate what to do! Because it will tell you what it needs. According to my doctor, my weight gain has been great and that's all that matters to me. I can't promise I'll be as calm after the baby comes, though! As Scarlett O'Hara famously said, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

Overall, pregnancy is not as bad as I anticipated it being. Don't get me wrong - I have openly vented to my other pregnant friends on some of the hard days. It is tough, a lot of aspects are really less than fun, and it's a new experience to adjust to, but at the same time it's really cool. The bond you form with that little person inside you is absolutely indescribable. No matter where you are, you're never alone. I can't wait to meet my little cutie!

Adventures in Kauai

TJ and I have racked up a bunch of Marriott and British Airways points recently, so we decided to cash them in on an 8 day, 7 night trip to Hawaii before the baby comes. I mean, why not squeeze in one more adventure while it's still just the two of us? Because in about 8 weeks, we're officially a family of 3! Unfortunately, though, we could only book the trip during my third trimester. I wasn't able to do as many fun activities as I'd hoped because I was too big and too far along in my pregnancy. I had also deluded myself into thinking I wasn't showing "that much" - until our pictures brought me right back to reality. YIKES. Nope, we didn't see any beached whales on our vacation - that's just me in my swimsuit. :)

Don't get me wrong, though. We had an absolutely amazing time. I really regretted not taking more pictures during our Oahu trip last year, so I set my photo-phobia aside and put the new camera TJ got me for my birthday to good use. It takes some really beautiful pictures! Just posting these makes me want to go back right away.

The first day, we arrived at our hotel and were a little dissatisfied with the room. It had a lame garden view and didn't seem to be kept up as nicely as the other rooms. TJ was able to somehow get Marriott gold status the day before our trip, however (I don't know how he does it - he has a gift for these things). Gold status means you get a bunch of perks - one being priority when it comes to room upgrades. The next day, lo and behold, we were upgraded to a beautiful ocean/pool view room near the top floor. 

Isn't it beautiful?

This kid's pool looked SO FUN! I can't wait to take our little one here one day to enjoy it. 

We started our tour of the island by heading to the North Shore to see the sights. The North Shore is the most lush and green on the island, and the pictures prove it. Below is the Kilauea lighthouse, built in 1913 and still used today. The view is breathtaking.

...not this view though. Apparently, yellow is not my color :) 

There are wild chickens all over the island. It's so fun to see them scurrying around everywhere you go. The roosters aren't very bright, though, and crow throughout the day, regardless of sunrise/sunset. 

This is the Hanalei Valley lookout - a really pretty view of the plantations where they grow most of the taro root on the island. Taro is a staple in Hawaiian culture and apparently one could get all the nutrients he or she needs and be completely sustained for life from just fish and taro alone. I'll pass, though. :) 

TJ's just acting bored. He always makes that face when I ask him how he likes something just to tease me.

After that, we headed to Tunnels Beach. This is a really pretty area of the island and great for snorkeling, though we just ended up relaxing on the beach and playing in the ocean. I think it's called Tunnels Beach because of the cool caves right next to it.

The waves were very strong, as I found out the hard way. TJ and I were so excited to get in the water that we ran in without really paying much attention. I had noticed the waves were pretty intense, but I wasn't too worried because I was just hanging out in the shallower portion. You know the saying - never turn your back on the ocean - well, I must have had pregnancy brain because I did. And got completely hammered by two 12 foot waves. TJ was so scared and rushed in to help me get out. I was really embarrassed! He was worried something happened to the baby, but this little guy was kicking around and moving just fine the rest of the trip. I decided that I needed to be much more careful from then on, though. It's actually really frightening how powerful the ocean is. I was completely helpless and immobile when those waves hit and just had to wait for them to sweep me near shore. Scary. 

Luckily, all our fears were soothed after feasting on some delicious fish tacos at this local marketplace. So tasty! Then we grabbed our first shave ice of the trip. I feel like shave ice is only good in Hawaii because the salty sea air makes the treat extra sweet and delicious. 

It was fun to feed the koi fish back at the hotel because they go so crazy when you drop the food pellets in the water. The gardens at our resort were so beautiful and well-maintained. It was nice to just walk around and explore.  

The next day, TJ and I set out to kayak the Wailua river. It was raining in the morning, so we stopped by Kmart to get some awesomely fashionable ponchos! I don't think TJ was a huge fan of them, though. :) On our way, we checked out Opaeka'a falls, a really beautiful waterfall right along the river. 

Below is our first glimpse of the Wailua river.  

I made TJ do the majority of the kayaking. Pregnancy is a great excuse to get out of things. :) We started to scare ourselves by pretending we saw crocodiles along the way, and even though we both know that they don't exist over here, we started getting legitimately worried. It reminds me of how we freaked ourselves out in Oahu by reading stories of shark attacks that had occurred near the island. Who knows why we torture ourselves like that.

Our first stop while kayaking was Fern Grotto, a sacred place in Hawaiian culture. That didn't stop TJ from jumping over the fence and climbing up to the Grotto himself. We're lucky no one else saw us there, because I'm pretty sure the penalty for setting foot on those grounds if you're not a tribal chief is execution.

Our next stop was the Secret Falls, a waterfall at the end of a short hike along the river. It was really beautiful and TJ jumped right in - of course. :)

Along the way back are two small pools that pour into each other called the King and Queen's bath. TJ somehow talked me into getting in because I'm a "queen", so it was mandatory. I made him get in, too. The water was cold but actually really refreshing after all that hiking.

We figured we'd earned ourselves another shave ice, so we hit up Kalapaki Shave Ice on our way back. We then just sat back, relaxed, and enjoyed our snack at the resort as the sun went down.

We headed toward Waimea Canyon the next day to explore the sights there. On the way, we drove through the "Tree Tunnel", a really pretty group of trees that lines the road. 

The canyon is famous for its red dirt, one bucket of which dyes up to 500 shirts that are sold at local stores. We had to stop at this little stream along the road because it was so pretty.

Waimea Canyon is absolutely breathtaking. They call it the Grand Canyon of Hawaii, and I can understand why.

TJ made the mistake of feeding the chickens at the canyon, and they wouldn't stop following him until we left.  They followed us to the lookout and everything!

This area of Kauai is supposedly the wettest spot on earth. It rains something like 450 inches a year! The clouds were covering the view of the ocean, but we were still able to get some good pictures in. What was scary was the sheer cliff drop at the edge of the red dirt you see below - the clouds masked it so it looked less treacherous than it really was. TJ scared me to death by walking right up to the edge and peering down. Heights freak me out!

Note to self - a camera on a strap does not adequately conceal an 8-months-pregnant belly.

We'd earned another shave ice after all that walking. Jo-Jo's is famous on the island as supposedly being the very best in Kauai. We thought it was good, but a little too chunky. Didn't stop us from consuming the whole thing. :)

On the way back to the hotel, we stopped by Poipu beach on the South Shore (TJ lovingly nicknamed it "poopy" beach just because that's how he thought it looked like it was pronounced at first). It was so beautiful and had very calm waters. We decided it was time for our annual sand castle contest. I had won last year's, but I think TJ beat me this time with his sand-snowman-guard and moat. :) 

TJ tried snorkeling without a snorkel... epic fail.

For dinner, we got Puka Dogs. I had seen a show on the Travel Channel about these a while back and had wanted to try one for years. They are delicious, crispy hot dogs baked inside a hollowed out bun and then filled with mango chutney and spicy mustard. They were really delicious! In addition to the hot dog, they make you fresh-squeezed lemonade on the spot that was so yummy. They need a Puka Dogs in Utah!

As you can imagine, the sunsets in Hawaii are spectacular.

The Napali Coast on the Northwest side of the island is one of the most famous sights in the world. Lots of movies, like Jurassic Park and Six Days Seven Nights, have been filmed in Kauai because it is such a lush, green island. TJ took a special boat tour out to the coast because it is only accessible by sea, hiking, or helicopter. I opted out because I knew I'd get seasick, and I didn't think the bumping up and down would be good for the baby. Plus, most boat tour companies won't take pregnant ladies at all. :( 

TJ said it was a blessing I didn't go, however. The waters were extremely choppy and everyone aboard was seasick. The captain even came across such hostile waters that a young girl flew high into the air and landed hard on her back. The parents were so upset that they demanded the whole boat turn around and go back right away so they could go to the hospital. They had to cut the cruise short - before the snorkeling, sea caves, and prettiest part of the coast. Sad.

Before that happened, though, TJ was able to snap a few great pictures of the dolphins, sea turtles, and beautiful cliffs.

We took a day to tour Old Koloa Town, a pretty little village in Hawaii where they used to have a taro plantation. Now it's mostly just tourist shops and eateries, but it was charming nonetheless.

Another "TJ, are you having a good time?" picture. :)

Once I told him he had the chance to steer the whole town, he perked right up!

My island boyfriend. He has a thing for pregnant women.

 

This tree's branches are crazy cool and extend really far out. It'd be perfect for a tree house!

 

We also stopped by Shipwreck beach, a really pretty cove on the South Shore. TJ and I climbed up to a small cliff on the side where some crazy people like to jump off. I wouldn't let him though! I'd like this baby to meet his dad, thanks very much.

Awww.... :) 

This is the Spouting Horn, a cool little blowhole in the lava rock that makes a weird moaning sound as water rushes through it. I guess Hawaiian legend says some kind of lizard-god lives down there and moans because he's always hungry. TJ suggested we throw food down there to shut him up. :)

All that hard work earned us another shave ice. I just can't get enough, people! This one had macadamia nut ice cream on the bottom. So delicious.

Our last day, we set out to snorkel a little bit. Again, something TJ indulged in while I stayed on the sidelines. This little beach has a lot of cool fish and sea turtles to check out, so we went there. I still can't get over how blue the water is! Kauai is just gorgeous.

  

We also checked out Wailua falls on our last day. Apparently, old Hawaiian tribesmen would prove their manhood by jumping off this waterfall and landing safely below. It's a 175 ft drop, and there are some crazy jagged rocks at the bottom. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll check it out from above. 

Although, one crazy lady scared me and TJ by scooting super close to the edge. What was she thinking?! We were ready to witness her imminent death, but luckily, she came to her senses and backed away. So insane though. You couldn't pay me money to do that.

And so we bid goodbye to Kauai. What a fabulous trip! We had so much fun. I am glad we got to have one last adventure as a couple before our craziest adventure yet - parenthood!